Wedding season is in full swing. It brings with it the heady delights of friends and family, built on a never-to-be-admitted foundation of crazy schedules, constant fatigue and endless new wedding outfits.

The weddings I attended as a child hold some of the most vivid and enjoyable memories for me. Wearing frilly dresses and flowers in my hair, with the freedom to run riot with my friends as the adults were preoccupied, makes for great memories, as well as teaching me a great deal about how to be independent.

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Then, as now, children were everywhere, putting the life into wedding parties. What I particularly enjoyed at big Asian weddings was holding the gifts and platters to be given to the bride.

As part of the procession to deliver clothes, sweets and henna to the bride, as a child I was centre stage at the wedding. And I still love that about weddings today. The pleasure that children glean from such huge communal events can be seen in their sparkling eyes and their never-ending energy. The vitality and beauty they inject into weddings with their innocent excitement reminds us to be joyful about the new start that weddings bring.

I’m not convinced toddlers really know what a wedding is about. But they do understand the buoyant energy and happiness, never ending playtime, and the pleasure of togetherness.

After our most recent wedding foray my three-year-old declared: “At my wedding, there will be no bride and groom, only a bouncy castle. It will be a fun-fair wedding.” It’s my job as a mother to make sure communal celebrations are part of her upbringing. They offer her new experiences, help her locate herself in the community, and introduce the sense of life phases to her.

It’s why I’m surprised at wedding planners who see children as a nuisance and even go as far as to underline that young ones are not welcome at such events.

Their logic is that the children will ruin the couple’s day, and since this is their day their wishes must be respected. If that is their protocol, of course it will be respected, but I feel sad at rejection of the importance of children.

These are communal events that create bonds and traditions. While the couple is important, their friends and families are important, too, and that includes children. There are few better memories than growing up and remembering attending someone’s wedding when you were a child. You are connected to them forever.

I will allow for one exception to this: in the pre-wedding bridal showers, it’s nice as a mother to have an evening out without the kids, to dress up, let loose and catch up with old friends. It reminds me of my own days of singledom, of life without responsibilities and to taste again the excitement of what it is like to be on the cusp of marriage.

After a brief sojourn of a few hours of frenzied joy, there is the delight of returning to husband and child. And getting excited with her about the wedding festivities she will enjoy.

Amid the hectic wedding attendance and the tiring schedule of festivities, let’s make sure we are giving our children the chance to create lifelong memories and enjoy togetherness with our friends and families. That’s my job as a mother in wedding season. We can loosen the rules, let them taste the pleasure of celebration and let them carry into their adult lives a sense that communal celebration is vital and that weddings are a time not of exclusion, but of joy.

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